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This is a public service announcement: My relationship survived Transformers 2. Will yours?

Thank you Michael Bay for making “Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen” and aspiring me to get back to blogging. Apparently, there is too much nonsense in the world.

::side note:: Do people even still blog nowadays??? Is anyone out there?

I just wanted to take the time to draw everyone’s attention to an epidemic that is sweeping across the nation. Couples all over the country are going to watch Transformers 2 and coming out of it as enemies. I’ve heard of at least two cases, and I personally make three, where couples get into hardcore arguments after seeing Transformers 2 that end in almost breaking up, awkward, angry silences and hurt feelings. What is it about this movie that causes men’s testosterone to flare up in Pheonix-esque inflamed peacock aggression and flamboyance of manhood? I really don’t understand. Why is it that my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight walking down Newbury Street on Saturday based solely on that damn movie?! Here, let me give you some background:

So, I blatantly hated and abhorred Transformers 2, and no, it had nothing to do with the coonery which was the two, blatantly Black Autobot homeboys. Where to even start? Here, I’ll just make a list of reasons why:

1. There really is such a thing as too much of a good thing, so there can definitely be too much of an OK thing. Between the constant patented Michael Bay swoopy shots circa Bad Boys 2 and illogical explosions, it was really just too much.

2. Why does it make more sense to stradle a motorcycle to detail it than to bend beside it and who wears such little clothes to work on cars? Surely, there’s a safety hazard there somewhere?

3. Why are there paintings of a white man in a pyramid built by Egyptians?!

4. Just a note – the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum is in the middle of a damn city, not next to a farm.

5. When did Transformers get the power to poof to different places, and if so, why don’t all of them do that?

6. Why would an all killing Destroyer Decepticon need testicles?

7. Fart jokes? Pot brownies? Kitten posters? Really? And what was the deal with his spastic parents? I wanted them to die.

8. How did Sam and friends survive getting blown up like 100 times, thrown from extreme heights, blown up again, shot at and dehydration with only stylishly places scratches?

9. Another note: that whole death scene was taken straight from Sailor Moon. I see you Michael Bay.

10. Transformers are robots in disguise, but when did they start turning into people. People aren’t cars or planes or trucks. Decepticons are not Terminators. They needed to stop.

11. Why couldn’t any one in that movie shoot for shyt. It’s like they were all trained by the A-Team. You’d think that robots would have computerized tracking devices in their brains that would help with that.

12. What’s really good tihs summer with pointless black guys in movies? I’m all for affirmative action but Wil.I.Am as the pointless Mr.-Helpful-Mutant in X-Men Legends: Wolverine, Common as Angry-Black-Man in Terminator: Salvation, Tyrese as Mr.-Grumpy-Glums in Transformers 2 and soon, Marlon Wayans in GI Joe…Oh. No.

13. Why are all of Michael Bay’s movies at least 30-45 minutes too long? Like, Bay Boys 2 shoulda ended before we went to save Gabrielle Union from homeboy’s crib. And I was sure Transformers 2 was almost over before we went to Egypt.

14. I’ll leave this one for last, because a lot of people may not have noticed it, but the rendering was off on a couple scenes. No biggie, but it’s just a little sloppy.

So anyway, after explaining these things to my boyfriend, we got into a HUGE fight. We actually almost broke up! A co-worker of mine threw in blatant objectification of women in her discussion with her dude, and they had a tiff as well. Like, Michael Bay is simultaneously giving in to the mind-numbing of Americans while ruining relationships! BWAH! I almost want to warn chicks not to go see this with their dudes, but, we’re supposed to be open-minded and understanding and, hey, at least he’ll still buy dinner ::wink::

UPDATE: Yeah…it’s true. We broke up. And I’m 100% sure that Transformers 2 started it. Either way, no worries, I’m much happier now ❤



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June 2009
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